Category Archives: Quotes and Conversations

Waiting For My Hair To Process

Client: I’m sorry my hair looks bad, women always know when your hair looks bad

Stylist: Yeah, well they don’t expect an apology!

Client: Maybe they should!

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Punny Jokes

So, my dad told me a punny joke the other day and it made me giggle so I had to tell my friend:

Me: How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?

Lauren: Fairly certain it was free and everyone had an infection

…these are my friends, I chose them myself…

By the way the punchline is “a buccaneer”

My Corporate Speak Nightmare

Will you people (and you know who you are) quit with the “corporate speak” already!? Having recently recovered and purged from our corporate dialogue the phrases “shore that up” and “to your point” we’ve recently replaced them with phrases like, “we should socialize on that” and “the people in that department are silos”

What do they mean? Who cares! Employees say they’re having trouble getting a clear understanding of their job roles and what’s required of them but managers are continually making up random phrases.

Here are some new corporate phrases recently invented by Christy that should be liberally sprinkled throughout the week at your corporate job, let’s see if anyone questions them!

“We need to run the cow around this piece, Bill.”

“Don’t forget to upchain the anchor, Bob.”

“The moat has been built, now we just need to clip the whiskers, Fred.”

Paying it Forward

I rarely give out random compliments, mostly because I always feel like I’m forcing them to compliment me back. I probably feel this way because when people complement me, I feel obligated to quickly pick something to complement them on in return. This makes me feel like I sound insincere which to me is worse than not giving a complement at all.

During lunch one of my co-workers approached me and Christy out of the blue and told us how much she liked our new haircuts. She then mentioned she was paying it forward because someone else earlier in the day complemented her.

Later while returning to my desk from the bathroom, I started talking to another co-worker who had spent a good portion of last year out sick. Her sickness caused her to lose all of her hair. Today her hair is adorable! It’s still very short but her tousled curls and beautiful color look incredible on her and I made sure to tell her about it!

Just like I didn’t stumble through a return complement to the co-worker at lunch, she didn’t make a return complement to me which made me feel even better somehow. I can only hope that now she finds someone else and makes their whole day!

Hey Webster! Suck less!

Conversation between me and a friend before Easter weekend:

Me: I’ve decided there are too many “I”s at the end of the word responsibilities. Please request that the dictionary permanently remove them. kthanxbye

Friend:
Weekend to-do list:
Dye Easter Eggs
Hide Easter Eggs
Visit the bunny
Bitch out Mr. Webster for making the word responsibilities suck so hard.

You got it! 🙂